Articles

Various items submitted by Duns members for the amusement and information of others.

8 - Ender

During a Spring League Game on 20/02/2023 John Hodge's team took an 8-ender in the second end. A remarkable event and I am not aware of this happening before during my time in the club. 

Despite the flyer of a start the game was peels going into the last end and John just managed to sneak the win. 

Just shows that you can never relax. 

Crystal Ball

An article prepared as Duns Curling Club had just celebrated our bicentenary year. {submitted by Colin Jeffries}

I now want to do a bit of crystal gazing and look to the future. To the next tricentenary year to be precise.

Curling will have become more technological, more scientific. If I look into the crystal ball I can see that the noticeboards of the clubs have been replaced by a computer terminal with scores and information posted immmediately from a link to the computerised scoreboards in the ice-rink.

I also see a large figure which is the ice master sitting in his office playing computer games, solitaire I believe. Every 2 hours he receives a signal that a game has finished, whereupon he sighs and lifts his index finger over to a button and presses it.

An automatic ice cutter will descend on to the ice rather like one of those contraptions for sweeping the pins away in 10 pin bowling and it will cut and shape the ice right down the sheet. This will be followed by a lowering of insulated automatic sprinklers the length of the sheet which will pebble the ice with pure water at exactly 140° F or 65° C, the droplet size being controlled by computer.

The ice master wearily returns to the computer game while telepathically ordering a pint of heavy to be sent to him. The players will take the ice with their special vacuum brushes which ensure no hairs or dust. But if I look very closely, I see a Chirnside rink playing where a player with a bunnet has just thrown a running stone and is beating the ice with his bunnet while giving out some fierce oaths to encourage the stone on its way.

Next to them is a Duns rink in their new Tricentenary jerseys. I see a player called John who has just fallen over, and the sound I can hear quite clearly is good-hearted banter going on. The sound is of people having fun. The technical side of the game may change, the equipment may improve but the enjoyable fellowship of Curling will stay the same and long may it continue to be so. Thank you

The Falls of John from extracts of events as recounted by Colin Jeffries

One of the early converts of our introduce a friend evenings was our present secretary, John Walker, a true stalwart in the club. Alistair Lindsayalways says that John Walker is ill-named as the last thing you ever see John doing is walking. He is always on the go, running hither and thither, always busy. However as far as curling is concerned I think that the name John Faller would be more appropriate.

At the beginning of his curling career John was renowned for his instability on the ice, usually during the course of his highly energetic sweeping. There was a well-remembered game where John and I were playing on a team and the team was being well cuffed when John had a spectacular fall which required him to be taken off to the Doctor, by one of our opposition, for a cut to the head. Once they had left, our team staged a remarkable recovery and ended up easy winners. However Ian Thompson the president at the time astutely observed that the opposition had been weakened by the loss of their player, but that John's absence had strengthened our team considerably and declared the game null and void.

Last year, during a game where our team had an end sown up, in desperation Robert Lamont decided to let loose with an ignorant wellie of a shot which scattered the stones. The sheet of ice next to where our team was playing was empty and John was absentmindedly using his brush as a golf club, swinging away, when suddenly there was a great clatter as John swung himself off his feet and landed on his back. Most of us rushed over to see if John was OK. John was lying on his back doing an impersonation of a dying fly with his arms and hands waving but he too was laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. We helped John to his feet and then I went back to look at the head and lo and behold there was an innocent looking Robert Lamont gleefully pointing to his stone which was now lying in the centre on the pot lid in amongst a mass of ours. I still consider that Robert used John's diversion to perform a perfidious act.

Jim Keddie the ice master had seen and heard all about this fall. The following week, John was playing in a game where he was not doing well at all. In the next rink to him, Jim Keddie was having a great game and John asked him ,"Jim can you give me any tips ?" to which Jim replied, "Well when you are holding a golf club, interlock your fingers like this and try not to swing too far".

Name Dropping by Colin Jeffries

From the ridiculous to the sublime. After a debacle at the Duns Bonspiel, I was concerned at how I would perform at the Maxwell Cup semifinals to be played in Stirling on Tues 10th. I was in Keith Prentice's rink as one of 3 rinks playing for the Borders in the semi-finals. Our opponents were Stranraer and guess who we played directly against-- Hammy Macmillan !!

A very tight game resulted in a 5-5 peels. There was one blank end, 8 ends won by one shot with the hammer , one steal by Hammy when we looked safe our shot touching the pot lid and guarded but he angled up a guard softly to lock against and beat our shot and the only 2 was taken by Keith playing 2 beautifully weighted draws at the 10th end.

Keith said to me afterwards 'You can now say that you have played against a Scottish, European and World champion and you have a 100% undefeated record' -- nice one for the CV

TV Nonsense by Philip Jones

After the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics Scottish Ladies gold medal night, on the Friday, I happened to catch Channel 5 News, who were trying to help their English audience get to grips with this new but somehow 400+ year old phenomenon called curling. There were 5 facts you needed to know to understand curling, they said, namely:

"1. It was first reported in the 16th century"

"2. The stones weigh 42lb ('about the weight of a television') and are made from granite from Elsa Craig" (I kid you not)

"3. There are four players in the team - a skipper and 3 sweepers" (it wasn't clear who chucked the stones down but ...).

 "The skipper's job is to shout "Hurry hard" and the sweepers make the stone go faster by getting it to aquaplane over the ice." (daft - anyone who's seen George Whiteford sweep knows it's all done by turbo suction)

"4. In a modern curling rink the ice is strewn with pebbles to make it harder to aim the stones" (I was so overcome I barely heard the last point but it was, I'm sure:)

"5. There are no curling rinks in England" (difficult getting enough pebbles nearby probably)

This appeared to be a genuine attempt to talk about curling, and really fills you with confidence about the quality of Channel 5 journalism. I felt I had to share the experience! I'm looking forward to hurling a few TV sets down the ice later this week, getting them to aquaplane and acknowledging the sweeping instructions with a quick 'Aye Aye Cap'n'!

It won't affect my game in the slightest, as I'm sure my skips will agree!