T.V. Nonsense

Contribution thanks to Philip Jones after the Scottsh Ladies' Olympic gold.

After the gold medal night, on the Friday, I happened to catch Channel 5 News, who were trying to help their English audience get to grips with this new but somehow 400+ year old phenomenon. There were 5 facts you needed to know to understand curling, they said, namely:

"1. It was first reported in the 16th century"

"2. The stones weigh 42lb ('about the weight of a television') and are made from granite from Elsa Craig" (I kid you not)

"3. There are four players in the team - a skipper and 3 sweepers" (it wasn't clear who chucked the stones down but ...). "The skipper's job is to shout "Hurry hard" and the sweepers make the stone go faster by getting it to aquaplane over the ice." (daft - anyone who's seen George sweep knows it's all done by turbo suction)

"4. In a modern curling rink the ice is strewn with pebbles to make it harder to aim the stones" (I was so overcome I barely heard the last point but it was, I'm sure:)

"5. There are no curling rinks in England" (difficult getting enough pebbles nearby probably)

This appeared to be a genuine attempt to talk about curling, and really fills you with confidence about the quality of Channel 5 journalism. I felt I had to share the experience! I'm looking forward to hurling a few TV sets down the ice later this week, getting them to aquaplane and acknowledging the sweeping instructions with a quick 'Aye Aye Cap'n'!

It won't affect my game in the slightest, as I'm sure my skips will agree!